Hey everyone!
Today's post will be a detailed review of The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F***.
The first thing that has to be said is this: I'm not impressed. The book is simplistic (nothing in it I couldn't read in a better way in other books written by authors who have actually researched the things Manson talks about) and uses foul language purely for the shock value of 'I don't care what people think of me'. It gets tedious after a while, and who truly wants to read expletives in a non-fiction (or any!) book. It's a lot like putting gratuitous horror scenes into a novel just BECAUSE. I'm not fond of that kind of writing at all.
In this sense, goals as they are conventionally defined - graduate from college, buy a lake house, lose fifteen pounds - are limited in the amount of happiness they can produce in our lives. They may be helpful when pursuing quick, short-term benefits, but as guides for the overall trajectory of life, they suck.
This concept is comparable to James Clear/Darren Hardy's habit forming - a habit is formed by small steps the same as an infinite goal consists of 'small steps' that have to be repeated in order to have a good life.
Manson basically zeroes in on 'A goal must not be definite' (such as 'buy a house') but indefinite (be honest to everyone you speak to). Not 'lose 15 pounds' but set yourself on a trajectory of 'eat healthily/live a healthy lifestyle'. This latter is a permanent change, but you might only be able to start small, or in Manson's words, go from being entirely wrong to being less wrong, and even less wronger after that over time with small changes (ie. James Clear's atomic habits).
At first (own example) you might be 'wrong' by eating willy-nilly whatever you like, including chocolate for breakfast (I'm guilty of this), junk food for lunch, takeout for dinner, and make a small snack in between. Over time, you will become less wrong by learning more information (e.g. in my case: nutrition details, benefits of healthy food for your brain and the rest of your body), and you will start to eat oats for breakfast, still junk food for lunch, still takeout for dinner, and a small snack in between. After a while you learn even more about healthy food (e.g. the health benefits of fish as opposed to meat, and the virtues of almonds for serotonin in your brain), and you will start to eat oats for breakfast, fish with some leafy greens and broccoli for lunch, maybe still takeout for dinner, and you can replace the mars bar snack with almonds and olives.
At some point, you're bound to be a lot less wrong, and your day might look like mine:
yoghurt oats with gooiberries and nuts for breakfast
(usually) meat/tofu/fish with vegetables and starches (rice or potato) for lunch
meat/tofu/fish with vegetables/chickpea salad for dinner
healthy snacks (nuts, olives, carrot/cucumber with hummus)
Of course, I'm still very wrong a lot of the time, because in addition to those healthy snacks, I also eat chocolate, gingerbread, jammy joeys, and all sorts of crisps and other 'unhealthy' snacks, or I'll eat apple pie for lunch, but I'm a lot less wrong for my premises of 'eat healthy' than I used to be with pizza/other takeout for dinner. In addition, I have neither the desire or need to actually cut out all sweets and candy. I like sweets and candy. The only thing I'm still working on is the proportion of candy to real food, and I hope that over time, I'll become less wrong by eating fewer candy still, and by not having the need to eat something sweet almost after every lunch/dinner.
The second 'concept' Manson tries to sell is that 'Negative experiences are positive experiences'. It even makes some sense. Let me explain.
Positive experiences give you a short high, a quick hit of dopamine (chemical released in your brain after you achieve something, the 'happiness' chemical), but after that, you soon crash, because the purpose, the thing you wanted to achieve, is gone as soon as you achieved it. If your goal was to buy a house, for example, and you bought THE DREAM HOUSE, then you're happy about it, obviously, but after a time, this just becomes your status quo, your new normal, and the elation fades.
In order to have more positive experiences you need something to strive for (e.g. something you don't have yet/can never achieve fully). This could be to eat healthy or to improve your writing every day. This is not a finite goal, which you can achieve, and then live happily ever after. It's an infinite goal, because there will ALWAYS be some ways to improve yourself, some new things to learn, and therefore you'll never arrive at a destination, but every problem you solve, every new scrap of learning you can integrate in your work, will give you a sense of happiness.
The third point Manson makes is pain and suffering are vital to self-improvement and the ability to become stronger/better. You might not like it while you struggle, but after a while, you will realize that those parts and projects you struggled with the most are the most fulfilling as well. This ties in directly with the paragraph of negative experiences above. You might feel bad in the process (training makes your muscles ache, and ache, and ache), but ultimately, the sense of purpose you gain from fighting for something you want/love will make you happier than once you've achieved everything you want and have nothing else to work for.
As Manson says "Our most radical changes in perspective often happen at the tail end of our worst moments". I translate this as struggle (emotional of physical) = self improvement with tangible results.
You can test this theory by yourself. Have you ever been left out of something you really wanted to do with your 'friends'? Well, maybe that was the time you started to re-evaluate your friendships, and how important you truly are to the people you call friends. This being left out (emotional struggle) leads you to evaluate the friendship and will (if you're honest with yourself and your friends didn't simply make a honest mistake) lead you to the realization you should perhaps look for better friends (= self improvement). It is to be hoped that in the end you'll find great friends who contribute to your life and sense of well-being rather than taking away from it (tangible results).
That's basically all that The Subtle Art talks about. There's also a chapter on death but it was boring enough I don't actually remember it. Is it worth buying/reading? Nah. Not really. I mean, there are some redeeming pieces of advice in it, but most of it is just your standard self-help yada yada. A lot of authors said it better before. Better spend your money on something like Atomic Habits or The Compound Effect. That's how you can really better yourself. Those books are concise and far less flighty. They actually have some practical advice beyond 'only care about things you care about'.
Have a good night/day!
WriteBot.
No comments:
Post a Comment